You might be a scientist

If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail.

If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place.

If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.

If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies.

If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area.

If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run.

If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception.

If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.

If you have never backed-up your hard drive.

If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.

If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.

If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.

If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight.

If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it.

If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary.

If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for.

If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.

If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.

If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.

Acid Poem

"My brother was a chemist,

 He isn't anymore,

 What he thoughy was H2O,

 Was H2SO4."

The Researcher Mind

The researcher perhaps have they own language to express their point, so that 'the researcher dictionary' are needed.

"It has long been known..."

I didn't look up the original references.

"A reasonable trend is evident..."

These data are practically meaningless.

"Of great theoretical and practical importance..."

It is interesting to me.

"While it has not been possible to provide definite anwers to these questions..."

An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.

"Three of the data sets were chosen for detailed study..."

The results of the others didn't match my conclusions.

"Typical results are shown..."

The best results are shown.

"These results will be shown in a subsequent report..."

Haven't gotten around to it.

"The most reliable results are those obtained by Jones..."

He was my graduate student.

"It is believed that..."

I think...

"It is generally believed that..."

A couple of other guys think so, too.

"Much more work is needed before a complete understanding of the phenomenon can be reached."

I don't understand it.

"This result is correct within an order of magnitude..."

It is wrong.

Experiment

One day a researcher is doing an experiment with frogs. He cuts one of the frog's legs off. He ordered the frog to jump, and it did. Then he cut off one of the frog's arms off. He then ordered the frog to jump again, and it did as it was told. He continued to do this until he had cut all of the frog's appendages off. He then ordered the frog to jump, and the frog couldn't. The rescearcher then wrote in his notes: when I cut all of a frog's legs off it becomes deaf.

Beliefs about deity

Beliefs about deity cover a wide range, including:

	Agnosticism: having reached no conclusion whether God exists. (See Agnosticism)
	Animism. The belief that all entities have life force, a soul or mind. For example, rocks, trees and mountains have an awareness of their surroundings: (e.g. Native aboriginal religions).
	Atheism: According to most dictionary definitions and general usage, Atheists totally reject the possibility that God exists. This would include many Atheists, Buddhists, Unitarian Universalists, etc. However, American Atheists, the largest group of Atheists in the U.S. define Atheism as having no belief in God. A newborn would not be considered an Atheist within the dictionary definition, but would be an Atheist according to the American Atheists.
	Deism: The belief that God exists, but is remote, unknowable and uninvolved. They believe that God created the universe, set it going, left, but has not taken an active interest in it since. This was a popular belief among intellectuals during and after the American revolution. It shows up in the U.S. Declaration of Independence, and its references to to "Nature's God," and "Creator." It is a rapidly growing believe today.
	Duotheism (a.k.a. Bitheism): belief in a dual divinity: (e.g. Wicca and Zoroastrianism). In the case of Wicca, one deity is female, the other male; in Zoroastrianism one is all good while the other is all evil.
	Henotheism. belief in many deities of which only one is the supreme deity. This may involve: One chief God and multiple gods and goddesses of lesser power and importance. Ancient Greek and Roman religions were of this type. One supreme God, and multiple gods and goddesses who are all simply manifestations or aspects of the supreme God. Hinduism is one example; they recognize Brahman as the single deity. Some Wiccans believe in a single deity about which they know little. They call the deity "The One" or "The All." They recognize the God and Goddess as the male and female aspects of that supreme deity. One supreme God who rules over a country, and many other gods and goddesses who have similar jurisdiction over other territories. Liberal theologians believe that the ancient Israelites in the early years of the Hebrew nation were henotheists. They worshipped Jehovah as the supreme God over Israel, but recognized the existence of Baal and other deities who ruled over other tribes. The monotheistic concept of "Yahweh only" came later.
	Monism: The belief that what people perceive as deity, humanity and the rest of the universe is in fact all of one substance - that divisions among the body, mind, flesh, spirit, material, physical are not real. All are simply aspects of one being.
	Monotheism: The belief in a single God. Examples include Islam, Judaism, and Sikhism). Within Christianity, most denominations consider themselves to be monotheistic, even though they teach the existence of three separate persons in the Trinity. Some believe that religiously inspired violence is often found among monotheists.
	Panentheism: The belief that the entire universe -- substances, forces and laws -- is God; the universe is God's body. God transcends the universe as well. (e.g. some components of New Age belief).
	Pantheism: The belief that every existing entity (humans, animals, etc.) together, is a part of God. They do not see God as having a personality, the ability to make decisions, etc. Rather, God is the very spiritual essence of the entire universe.
	Polytheism: belief in many Gods and Goddesses: (e.g. various Neopagan religions. Hinduism is often looked upon in the west as a polytheistic religion).
	Trinity: belief in a single deity who has three aspects (e.g. historical Christianity, whose members generally believe in Trinity formed by a Father, Son and Holy Spirit who they view as being a single entity). Christians often look upon God as being omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent and omnibeneficient (all knowing, all powerful, all present and all good.) Some liberal Christians believe that such a list of attributes is logically contradictory.

A New Earth-like Planet; "Aliens home..??"

'Is there life anywhere else?'

Astronomers have discovered the most Earth-like exoplanet yet. The planet, the smallest yet discovered, orbits the red dwarf Gliese 581 at a distance one fourteenth of that from Earth to the sun; its year is just 13 days long. However, because the star is so much cooler and less luminous than our own sun, the so-called habitable zone, where planets can carry liquid water, is much nearer the star. As we know, liquid water is critical to life. Moreover, its radius should be only 1.5 times the Earth's radius, and models predict that the planet should be either rocky - like our Earth - or covered with oceans. Scientists made the discovery using the Eso 3.6m Telescope in Chile.

The planet orbits the faint star Gliese 581, which is 20.5 light-years away in the constellation Libra. Gliese 581 c was identified at the European Southern Observatory (Eso) facility at La Silla in the Atacama Desert. The team making the discoveries used the HARPS (High Accuracy Radial Velocity for Planetary Searcher), perhaps the most precise spectrograph in the world. It can spot signals - variations in the velocity of a star - that fall far below the "noise" threshold of most spectrographs. The instrument can measure tiny changes in the velocity of a star as it experiences the gravitational tug of a nearby planet. Professor Glenn White at the Rutherford Appleton Laboratory is helping to develop the European Space Agency's Darwin mission, which will scan the nearby Universe, looking for signs of life on Earth-like planets.

Chemistry student: "Hell is.."

Do you believe if there is a hell? What is the hell? Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)??

The following is the definition of the hell given by a chemistry student.

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."